Why did you start to meditate?Because I love my family.
I was 18 years old and heart broken. I had left home to take some summer courses at Boston University, and returned to my old high school sweetheart who was studying at the University of Illinois in Urbana. She had a new boyfriend, and I was devastated. I was jealous, and was in a great state of turmoil. I was depressed, and felt that I would never meet another love to replace this, my first love. I obsessed when I thought about her with her new boyfriend. I felt hurt, angry, self loathing, and depressed. One day, she said to me, “my boyfriend practices Buddhism. Buddhism is supposed to help you with pain and turmoil. You should try it.” And so I did.
37 years later, I still practice regularly. Since that time, I was devastated financially in the Madoff scheme. Meditation helped me through that in many ways. When my mind was in turmoil, I was able to place my mind on what I was doing so that I didn’t keep visiting various depressed thoughts. Furthermore, my meditation training taught me to face my fears and anxieties as well as my difficult emotions. Doing this helped me to get through this rough patch with renewed appreciation for my life, my family and the world around me.
Now, instead of worrying about the future all the time, I spend a lot more time enjoying my life moment to moment. Some people ask me, “does that mean you don’t do any planning”. “Not at all” i say. Instead, it means I plan without fooling myself about things I am afraid of or stories of my past. Finally, because I meditate, I am able to quickly see through the stories that create a sense of blame. Blame is very debilitating for me. When I blame, I get angry. When I get angry, I stop enjoying my life. So that is why I meditate. But mostly I meditate because when I see my beautiful 2 year old daughter, and my 6 year old son, I feel a big motivation to make sure that they can understand how to enjoy their lives. When my big hardship occured, I would meditate so that I didn’t bring home any kind of depression. It was like building my “mind muscles” when I would meditate. The more I exercised those muscles, the more my “mind muscles” would learn the discipline to stop the self-deprication, anxiety or depression which would make my household depressed or sad or heavy. So I meditated, because when I see my kids, my wife, I feel love, and don’t want to hurt them at all. I want them to be cheerful.So when fianncial disaster struck, i lost my career, my business and got embroiled in legal complications. I would meditate in the morning, and later in the day, I would take a mindful walk and often stop in a field or on a hill near my house to meditate. It cheered me up and kept my life going.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Posted by The Unconquerable at 10:04 AM